I loved this - from the current edition of Private Eye!!
"LABOUR UNVEILS PLANS FOR 750 ECO TOWNS
By our Environmental Staff - Patty O'Heater
The whole of Southern England is to be turned into a series of interlocking 'eco-towns', each housing 700,000 people living in a totally carbon free environment.
HOMES
- Each home will be fitted with:
- underfloor solar heating
- lighting powered by recycled compost
- windmill-powered trouser presses in every bedroom
TRANSPORT
Cars will be banned and residents will travel everywhere by one of the following options:
- sail-powered waterbuses using a canal system
- hop-on hop-off hot air balloons
- StarTrek style 'transporter rooms' (not invented yet)
SERVICES
To minimise carbon footprint, energy-intensive schools and hospitals will be decentralised to neighbouring towns.
Huge Brazilian-style rainforests will be planted in every garden to soak up unwanted carbon and provide natural habitat for endangered species such as the chaffinch, the white rhino, the Van Diemen's Land Seahorse and the Giant Burmese Tree Frog.
ENERGY
To be supplied by coal-fired nuclear power plants (when available)"
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